Use Body Language when Words Fail
“A-type” aggressive personalities need a different approach for soul-perspective carers
A Pain Placement: the discomfort of scarcity living, restriction of electrical usage, controlling client, emotional abuse, demanding and unpleasant demeanour.
The Goal: to bring love back into this home, to draw on nature for its healing qualities, to care deeply, to be a companion, to listen and to understand the root of pain and work around the need to dominate
The vast majority of messages that we give our clients are non-verbal such as facial expressions, gestures, or even the way we present ourselves while communicating. I soon discovered that it was important in my new placement, to be mindful of the messages I am conveying with my body language and to master that rather than open myself up to a misinterpretation of words during a conversation.
It’s hard to crack a smile when things are challenging, but as with the laws of this Universe, receiving a reciprocated smile is a very genuine reason to keep your own one alive. I was being distracted by the illusion of what seemed to be a chaotic universe and it is evident that the ways of the world can cause spiritual amnesia.
Tweaking one’s approach allows us to embrace the miracles all around and remain in an ‘attitude of gratitude’ while manipulating the silence.
A Stubborn Parent and Neglected Home
My first impression of the home was one of obvious neglect – the family have tried to create a comfortable living space but her inability to accept change has resulted in a cold, run-down uninviting home with mould and damp starting to engulf the walls, hazardous electrics and spaces that seem stuck in a time warp. Dog paraphernalia laid out as if her beautiful labrador would be returning and her husband’s office was untouched and exactly as he left it 12years ago!
A list of ‘do’s and don’ts hit me next – all embedded in a poverty mindset steeped in scarcity, living life ‘barely’ and a regimented, controlling personality that huffed and puffed when things were even marginally ‘off-key’. Nobody is allowed to call her by her first name, indicative of a barrier of barred intimacy and aloofness that maintains the hierarchy of power. (I have even been corrected on the tune I hum and ask to find a different one!)
It is evident to her that lights and warmth are merely luxuries in the approaching winter months and she would rather exchange safety and comfort for energy costs! The first mistake I made was calling the summer house’ a shed – which is what it is actually…
Cold and alone with only the birds for company she spends much of the day sitting there in this mouldy, damp, decrepit space where she feels safe – one thing we do have in common is our love for birds – although she places their well-being above us humans and tends to their needs with the utmost care, urgency and fuss.
I must say I started to feel quite cynical about her behaviour and decided to find out more about her past that had ‘hardened’ her heart and shut down the ability to give and receive love. I needed to trust in the goodness of her soul.
I discovered that my client was involved in medical research – she emphasized how everything had to be perfect, you couldn’t make a mistake and it had been incredibly stressful for her – hence the obsession with perfection, and impatience when the routine is disrupted. She had an estranged marriage and raised children with very little help or support, and subconsciously that has all taken its toll on her.
She actually has a good sense of humour (when she drops her defences) but lacks love and physical touch – she is harmless (to a degree) and has developed survival or coping mechanisms which she clings on to for most of her waking day.
The birds are her saving grace and it is no wonder that she enjoys her alone time with them – sitting there with her provides front row seats to an abundance of birdlife – almost like you are sitting in the middle of an aviary – simply beautiful – a chance for us both to forget where we are and enjoy a normal conversation, even if fleeting!
I am slowly learning to push back when my boundaries are compromised so as not to be taken advantage of – I need to protect my own energies and not be drawn into a web of discontent and unease. I have decided to keep this relationship at arm’s length and seek her company on my terms so as to avoid any verbal onslaughts.
Will I be returning? Probably not, and sadly she has no regular carers, many leave before the placement ends and the lack of continuity fuels her volatile behaviour. I will do my best to bring some happiness into her life in the 2 weeks that I am here, deflect her harsh words, respond with favourable body language and keep my conversations minimal – and of course count down the days until I am on the road back home again!
Grateful for this experience – lessons learnt!
Judge less#Spread love#Share your smile#Work with passion#Let go of negativity#Count your blessings#Choose faith over fear#Believe in the dreams#Respect you own needs#Treat people with kindness#Do more of the things you love – Good Vibes Only (Vex King)
