My intention is to highlight the importance of communication in all our relationships – you can’t hold someone else responsible for how you feel but at the very least you can let them know what you are going through…
Could Back Pain be a Support Issue?
I have always had a ‘vulnerable’ back, but recently I have started to really notice how my external and internal environment is intricately connected and how pain is a necessary albeit uncomfortable means of expansion. Without exception, every physical manifestation of pain has always related directly to my current emotions.
A couple of days ago my body ‘served up’ a dose of excruciating back spasms – looking back at preceding events and current circumstances – it should have come as no surprise – so what was I doing and what had triggered the spasm?
I had woken up that morning feeling a little ‘flat’ and was in the process of packing for my next placement. I suppose unconsciously I was feeling overburdened and overwhelmed by the fact that the financial well being of my family fell predominantly on my head.
I felt obligated and resentful but had successfully repressed those emotions which in turn had created tension and a lack of blood flow manifesting in an onslaught of physiological discomfort.
Structurally our back is the support mechanism of our body and looking back, maybe it is not so surprising that back pain was prevalent in my life, because I was generally feeling unsupported!
Basically, I had been feeding that emotional condition with energy that had escalated and manifested physically. Momentum had been building all week and had now reached a threshold – I felt powerless over my life which had evoked anxiety and anger and had not communicated this effectively with my loved ones.
I realize that it’s not healthy to ignore my limits, it’s not a weakness, it doesn’t suggest that I am incapable, but it does suggest that I need to revisit my relationship with myself and those that I come into contact with on a daily basis.
Why is it when I am at home that I experience conflict? Is it because my work conveniently shields me from the family dynamics in my home life – and why do I feel burdened with obligation and resented responsibility?
Could there be a secondary or backdoor gain?
Maybe it is to acknowledge that transparency in relationships is key – maybe I need to ask others to share in the accountability of what is creating emotional turmoil in my life?
Perhaps my need for love and attention creates tension, and being judgemental towards others has resulted in them withdrawing in silent resentment while my anger continues to be fueled by that very act…Maybe I indirectly make others feel unloved because they cannot support me in the way I need…
This debilitating pain has enabled me to sit with my feelings and to explore opportunities that are now emerging for my own expansion. Life is essentially a vibrational dance and I need to be an active participant.
I need to nurture the relationship that I have with myself and be reminded that even though I am ultimately responsible for my own happiness, I cannot exist in isolation. My outer reality always mirrors my inner landscape and I need to communicate my feelings to those close to me.
‘Building a healthy relationship takes Effort, Understanding and Involvement.’