Finding your Best Through Others and why Relationships Really Matter!

Getting a grip on authenticity is only really possible when we witness our interactions with others and decide if we are behaving consciously or unconsciously in our relationships. We can only really connect with our authentic self when we weaken the identity of the egoistic self and acknowledge that every situation is an opportunity to recalibrate.

In this industry and in any life situation, we have the privilege of practising a number of skills that can effectively assess our level of consciousness. One of those skills is the ability to validate and listen to our others without judgement or an expectation to be their rescuer.  Being vulnerable and acknowledging that we cannot fix others is not a glitch in our armour but ultimately a liberating gateway to our own emotional freedom. It not only gets us off the hook but is like a breath of fresh air for our clients…

‘Cheers to the people who let us have our feelings; who don’t try to talk us out of them; who don’t try to convince us to think differently; who don’t try to fix what we are feeling; who simply witness our inner landscape with us. It isn’t easy to let go of our perpetual desire to fix the feelings of others or to feel helpful, yet it’s so often in the simple witnessing and allowing of it all that creates enough space for it to move when it is ready to…’ Lisa Olivera

How often do we try and bring uplifting energy to a situation because we simply cannot bear the predictable low vibrational conversation synonymous with the elderly? How many of the following phrases are unconsciously integrated into your conversations… 

“it will be fine…” or “It could be worse…” or  “Don’t worry things will work out…” or “Try and think of positive things…” or  “It’s not such a big deal…” or “At least it’s not…”

Have you ever considered comments such as these actually invalidate your client and clearly dismiss their feelings – even suggesting that they shouldn’t feel that way?

Validation is the act of helping someone feel heard and understood. Even though we cannot change their circumstance we can in fact help them to feel appreciated and worthy.

So when your client simply cannot get out of bed, overwhelmed with grief and questioning their very existence, perhaps catch yourself before you are tempted to respond – even if we feel helpless and frustrated they are more likely to listen to a different opinion once they have been listened to without judgment. Maybe this is a better approach…

“wow – I am so sorry that you feel that way…” or “I can totally understand how that can make you feel sad…” or  “You have every right to want to stay in bed…” or  “I appreciate that life has been difficult…”

As carers, we often jump at the opportunity to give advice, but if it’s unsolicited it is not always appreciated. Validation is a wonderful skill to practice because the impact of its inclusion can be transformative. Conscious authentic awareness is key – thinking before responding, self-correcting and mindful assessment of the interaction will go a long way to forming meaningful and trusting connections.

We all need a sacred witness in life, a person who can listen without judgment and validate how we are feeling. We need this quality of deep sharing with another because, through such dialogue, we witness our own maturity, and we see how far we have come.

So, when the opportunity presents itself perhaps take time to acknowledge where your client is at – meet them there by offering a safe space for genuine healing and you may be surprised at how powerful the experience is for both of you…