It had been a roller coaster of a week, the ups and downs of looking for new clients, the uncertainty of stepping out of my comfort zone. and the realisation that this journey is coming to an end and it is time to release all current attachments to my special, dear client.
I was starting to be triggered by the seemingly nonchalant manner in which my current situation was being handled. Moving into a care home was no small feat and I had become possessive over my client’s well-being. The more I was cast aside regards the details of the move, the angrier I became and at the end of the day, I was the one who was hurting.
“Inconsistent people are this way with you because they don’t view you as a valuable option. That’s fine, they have that right. But you also have a right to protect your energy. Always remember that.”
So, I backed off and decided to focus on why it was that I felt the way I did, but in order to do that, I had to give up the momentary satisfaction of conflict. I was trapped in a replay of negative thoughts, fear had infused my reactions and judgment dominated. Basically I felt unappreciated and unimportant and this was coupled with the impending uncertainty about the immediate future. But I was reminded that this is not about me, and acknowledged that I was searching for love in all the wrong places!
It was time to do some serious soul searching and work on ways to approach each day with renewed hope and total surrender. After all, the Care Industry offered diversity and choice and to be honest, that is what I had signed up for in the beginning! The difference is that the new skills acquisition was secondary because I now had the added confidence of being able to tap into the power within, irrespective of my lack of exposure to a consistent turnover of new clients.
I decided that at this point in my life I chose to approach every single person, event and feeling with a deep abiding curiosity – a “strong desire to know or learn something”. To read a client profile, drop into a deeper wiser place, and trust that the appropriate path will be illuminated. To allow my intellect to meet my intuition and embrace the excitement of a new opportunity for growth and expansion.
I also noticed that the format of my journal had in of itself transformed – I was starting to reflect and listen more. I no longer suffered from “FOMO” and was motivated less by a continual hunger for learning. I had moved from facts and information into deeper sacred truths. I had developed a relationship of trust with my inner guidance and was ready to care with renewed confidence and support- all I had was a momentary relapse in confidence!
I was reminded to choose the thoughts that I wanted the world to reflect back to me and to accept things as they are.
The Serenity Prayer written by the American theologian Reinhold Niebuhr sprung to mind as I contemplated this idea and it has now become a valuable addition to my evening conversation with God as I contemplate my day-
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference.
I am proud to say that I now feel the exhilaration as I ready myself for a leap of faith and embrace the courage that is energized through my curiosity. The wounded ego and the unnecessary drama had drifted into the background and I was learning to love and heal those sabotaging moments as a valuable part of my journey. There are no mistakes – ever!
“You are supposed to be triggered or else you won’t be motivated to change. Resisting the movements of consciousness restricts your expansion. Comfort zones are meant to be broken over and over again.” Abrahamhicks source messages