Are You a CareGiver or a CareTaker

Worded differently, are we sometimes being Overbearing Beings or Codependent Bullies Who Naively Believe That We are Caregiving from a place of love?

Understand that the difference simply comes down to self-love.

We can make the change to greater self-love, a more fulfilled life as a Caregiver, plus properly nurture the one being cared for.

Family Caregivers and Paid Carers can be overbearing bullies with behaviours driven by underlying personal issues and past experiences.

They think they are doing the right thing but Ego Autopilot Mode hurts the people they are trying to care for.

Professional Caregiving Becomes Really Difficult

I have been blessed with a diversity of placements and when family dynamics overlap with private care, it becomes evident that there is a fine line between Caregiving and Caretaking. 

I have come to discover that the difference between the two is the motivation behind it  the underlying often sub-conscious intention to be so “involved“

The Caretaker is the family member who is involved in the care of their loved one (more than often living in the same home).

The Caregiver is the professional who has to juggle their work around family interference. The one needing care is the vulnerable person caught between a rock and a hard place!

It is so difficult sometimes to actively retreat into the background and knowing that these precious people are very often being nurtured by loved ones coming from a place of inner neediness, a lack, insecurity or incompleteness. 

The difficulty is to become the observer when it is so evident that those who are vulnerable are being bullied by the very people who supposedly have their best interests at heart!

Damage is Done

Sometimes family members may choose to nurture their loved ones to avoid their own issues of abandonment, criticism and judgement.

More than often there is nothing authentic about their care and if the giver and receiver are both to benefit, there has to be a shift from an ego-centric to a soul-centric view of care. 

Poor boundary setting can also lead to long term caretaking and can foster codependency in a relationship. Caretaking and codependency go hand in hand and exist when a carer (the caretaker) feels ultimately responsible for the care of their loved one.

In a codependent relationship, the vulnerable person can manipulate the caretaker to assume responsibility for solving their problems. “Should I take the extra meds or not – what do you think?” The caretaker then tries to anticipate problems and can become angry or upset when their help is ineffective or unappreciated.

Caretaking comes with a high price for both ends. The individual becomes so dependant on the caretaker that they lose their own self-development and the caretaker never truly feels loved or worthy which directly impacts their self-esteem. The caretaker constantly feels needed for their actions but never loved for who they are.

Consciousness Self-Love and Becoming a Caregiver

Then you throw the caregiver into the mix – a person who empowers the person they care for by encouraging them to make their own choices and be responsible for their own actions.

Caregivers let go of trying to control the person they care for and establish appropriate boundaries – taking into account their own needs while appreciating the strength and qualities in others.

It all comes down to self-love – the ability to show compassion with no strings attached. 

The caretaker needs to heal themselves before they are fully capable of loving and properly caring for another. If they are unable to do this their life becomes one of servitude with little fulfilment, superficial acceptance and a meagre sense of belonging. 

No matter what the circumstance or the role we play in the lives of those we come into contact with, we can know for sure that we are divinely (we have it within us) placed to clearly connect with all others in a collaboration of cosmic proportions that allow for the perfect conditions to exist so that our beings an evolve to the next highest level. 

This isn’t magic, its something our ancestors just knew in the days before there was so much noise pollution and distraction.

Reaching out to someone in need ‘is an initiation to coming home again to a deeper sense of self and well-being’ Dr Anfeles Arrien

For self-love, you need to become conscious. Life is a beautifully orchestrated symphony with the inner divine as the conductor and all of us as the musicians. All we have to do to make beautiful music together is to know the score and be able to read music – become conscious.

Ultimately when you connect with somebody else, you connect with yourself – caring for someone is a unique opportunity to heal and to be healed!