Joining the dots and discovering the journey from spiritual infusion to peripheral experience to innate wisdom (following one’s own advice)…
There are times when what you are doing just doesn’t work anymore – I had come to realize that for the past 3 years I have tried to package myself in a way that was pleasing to others – a ‘keep calm and carry on attitude’ in the outer world while chaos and turmoil reigned supreme in the inner world. A public facade that masked private despair and a growing awareness that I was drifting out of alignment with my true Self.
I had never really heard of ‘spiritual bypassing’ and had no idea that I was using spiritual ideas and practices to sidestep or avoid facing my unresolved emotional issues and psychological wounds. I hate to admit it but I can see now that the creative drive expressed through countless blogs was essentially a cover-up – I couldn’t possibly be of value to others if I continued to avoid my own healing…
I was identifying with my spiritual ego – rationalizing, intellectualizing, and hustling for more information through the medium of writing – ‘talking the talk’ but not ‘walking the walk’. My life was about crunching insights and redefining them in different situations. I was stuck in contemplation – I thought I was being productive but was negating the present moment. I was trapped in a false kind of progress, almost delusional – I believed that I had become a better person, and on the surface I had, but cognitive reasoning had replaced hard truth!
But nothing is ever wasted in life and the Universe never fails to set up experiences that are paramount to self-realization and discovery. Although I had taken on the identity of a spiritual person I had sadly discarded the self that needed love and acceptance, and because of that, I was essentially living in a state of inauthenticity.
Looking back at my earlier writing I realized that I was so overly attached to the positive (Law of Attraction misinterpreted information) that there was a high level of resistance to anything negative. I totally get that we create our own reality but jumping from a negative thought to a positive one is too big a vibrational gap, and without validating or embodying the feelings of the underlying negativity can elicit feelings of tremendous shame when we look at our life and see how we have fallen short – how we seem powerless to our own thoughts!
It was only when I took an inventory of my life that I started to question – where is the house? Where is the adventure? Where is the financial independence? Not here? Why not? Had I failed at the simple task of creating my reality? Caring was meant to be a stop-gap, but here I am still 5years later! While I was evolving I was bypassing and adding layers of shame to protect me from the disappointment of comparing myself to the high standards I envisaged and failing dismally at attaining them!
We essentially bypass as a defence – our brains are trying to protect us from pain. But I came to understand that there is no such thing as good or bad emotions – if we reject unwanted feelings we diminish our humanness. After all, we came into this physical reality for expansion – to become sovereign beings – in order to do that we need to fully integrate the fragmented pieces of our soul and acknowledge where we stand today – only then can we move forward – accepting all the messy parts and acknowledging that having negative thoughts is not wrong – it doesn’t mean that we are damaged or failed at life.
Shifting from Knowledge Mastery to Self Mastery – from thinking to feeling…
So my new mission has been to integrate the spiritual me and the embodied me – to close the gap between the spiritual principles and the actuality of how I actually feel and act. In other words, you cannot believe you create your own reality and then worry about it and you cannot believe that you live in an abundant Universe and embody a scarcity mindset!
The cure to spiritual bypassing is authenticity – to be unapologetically you! So what follows is a journey back to myself – these lost pieces of my soul are not obstacles on the path, but the very path itself rich with data and information to help me feel more connected and alive. To unequivocally delve into the underworld of the psyche and reach for both positive and negative experiences. To stay in discomfort because that is where you can move from victimhood to owning your sh..
Authenticity is the highest state of being that the spiritual practitioner can achieve. In fact, in the years to come, authenticity will become the replacement for enlightenment as the true goal of spiritual practice